Feeling Well

Feel like the pace we both like to take is similar.
Just one step at a time,
Not rushing into anything,
I think that's best for the both of us.

Yes,
Still,
I dont wanna expect anything,
But at least this journey is worthwhile.

I long for the day for the answer.
Yes or no,
At least you've made up your mind,
And i can take my next step too.

Thank You

You have no idea how much that text means to me.

The moment I saw that notification on my phone,
my heart literally dropped.
I can't believe I've kept you waiting for the reply for an hour.

Although that text doesn't say much,
and I don't wanna keep my hopes high,
but still I'm glad that you're making up your mind.

I know that you're clearing your head to find that answer for me,
and I'm so grateful you're doing it.

I will wait,
for sure.

Wanting the best for us

The only conclusion i can come up with after that day is that,
AT LEAST I'VE TRIED...

I've tried my best,
am i'm glad I did.

It might or might not be the same between us for the time being,
but I'm sure we'll be fine as time goes by.

And I'm sorry for all of these.
I know it's bothering you a lot.
From me, and the people who talked about it.


But,
If you're wondering,
Yes, I'm still here,
and I won't go anywhere anytime soon.

One day, I hope for news from you.
Either good or bad news,
Whether you've cleared your mind,
Or u met someone else,
I'm eager to know.

Then, I'll figure out my next step.



Don't beat yourself up.
Don't blame yourself.
Don't doubt it.

You know why?



Because you're worth the wait.

是时候了吗？

天天都在烦，
天天都在想，
担心的太多，
只会让我更胆怯。

给自己的借口，
现在已到期。
是要继续找借口逃避，
还是要豁出去？

太多如果，
只是会蒙住自己的眼睛，
让我看不清、
忘记初衷。

只怕还比预期差，
只怕心不能承受，
只怕失去太多，
只怕会分离。

我不够勇敢，
不够坚强，
感觉什么都做不了，
感觉会失败。

表面上没事，
心里其实很乱，
快承受不了，
但不能表露。

想好好处理，
不留遗憾。
感觉是时候了，
是要放手一搏吗？

怎么办

昨晚是疯了吗我...


怎么办
怎么办

怎么办
怎么办



怎么办
怎么办




我...

我需要勇气

我需要肯定

我需要一个答案


不知道是否是我想象中那样美好
还是我其实一直以来都错了..



我不知道要怎么接下去走这条路...
因为走得太茫然了，
机会感觉也很渺茫，
感觉踏上了一条极与极，
走对的话是好事
走错的话...
我应该会彻底崩溃，
会受伤。



有谁可以给我一个答案...
如果注定要死心，我不想拖...
但如果注定走对路呢...
太多如果，我不知该怎么办才好


我非常没自信，
我想这也是原因之一
为什么我到今天还在原地踏步。
我觉得我比不上其他人，
也不会被看中。


太完美的，
使我永远觉得我好遥远，
永远追不上。



换了部落格的音乐，
这首歌旋律太符合我现在的情绪，
心很闷，
但却只能默默地在这里抒发。
很想踏出那一步，
但因为太多因素让我却步。


好烦好烦



感觉这一切都是个梦。
是无法实现的梦......

思

这个假期，想了好多。

首先必须改掉一个非常不好的坏习惯。
每次答应要做到一件事，往往到最后都没做到。
说功课不要拖到最后一分钟来做，到最后还是这样，到最后都后悔死。
说一定要存钱，到最后还是因为贪玩，想要“享受生活”，吃了一餐又一餐。
说假期完之前要练好吉他基础，现在连最基本的还学不好。
说要天天早睡早起，开学前把身体补回来，天天都半夜睡到第二天十一、二点。
太多太多要做的事，没一件做得好。

也想了想往事。
好多遗憾，说真的。
没有像别人有多么精彩的中学生活。
没有交到很多朋友。
现在想一想，差不多20年了，
真心朋友没有几个。
有时有心事想讲一讲，
心里那几个人选，
不是知道“哦，那个人很忙，还是让他好好做功课”
就是觉得其实我的心事也不算什么，不讲也罢。
有时到了这样的时候，
我也不会说会把心事收在心里还是什么的，
就会选择不要去想它，
干脆去睡觉更实在。
也不知道这个方法好不好，
但我就是这样一路走了20年，
还没得自闭症，
那应该还好吧。
感觉我都是做人家的聆听者，
也许是习惯了吧。
听人家心事难听来讲，也许对自己的安慰，
觉得自己的心事真的不算什么。

当然也想到了未来。
未来我会做什么工，根本就想都不敢想。
走设计这条路，本来就会辛苦，
就业率地，找到份工，工作量多，工资少。
这些都是预了的。
只是在担心情况会更糟糕。
我想如果更糟的话，
可能会转行吧。
感情呢，
一切都好难说。
不像以前想谈恋爱就谈。
对我来说，要谈恋爱，就代表你要面对那张脸一辈子，
要跟她结婚生小孩。
不是吗？
如果只是单纯想试看看的心态，
那恋爱谈来干嘛？
浪费时间，金钱，青春。
可能还会结下一段不好的因缘。
何必呢？
但每个人都有自己的看法，
也许我这样想，害到我现在都还没遇到。
也许遇到了吧，
但因为个人因素，
决定把感情先放一边吧。

唉，多一个礼拜又要开学了。
希望能够好好地，没后悔地，
过完这个学期。

I'm Back!

Oh wow!
How long has it been?

So sorry for not updating for the past month.
was really really really busy with assignments and projects.

So,
umm where to start?

ok with assignments first,
first subject,
MORAL STUDIES.
was really bumped finding out my midterm exam score was a 7.6 out of 20,
2nd lowest in class.
all my friends help me to ask the lecturer to recheck,
because there's actually no way my marks will be that low.
first, i've double checked i didnt shade the wrong answer.
second, i've studied for the exam,
and even if i dont get a high score,
at least, at least i'll get half correct (10marks).
The lecturer told me that she will help me to recheck my marks,
but i dont know how it turned out.
As for my final exam though,
didnt really study for it bcz i was too busy for other assignments.
Moral was one of the subjects i aimed to get A this sem,
i guess it might turn out to be the worst subject this sem.

next, it's Visual Fundamentals.
posted so many portrait drawings on instagram,
showing my progress and (hopefully) my improvement,
the lecturer told me that i've improved a lot,
and is one of the most improved in the class.
was really flattered to hear that.
but the highest grade i got for the portrait assignments,
was only a B+. (sad)
But to compare with the others,
the best in class only got an A-,
and i'm considered in the front pack.
so i guess i'm doing fine.
For visual drawing though,
which require us to draw a scene with figures and perspective,
i'm not really good at that,
scores are average and grades are B.
but i think it's okay,
as long as i maintain getting Bs.

well next is Advertising Principles,
which is the subject i hate most.
we need to create an advertising campaign,
selling a product,
that i dont even know before we attend the class.
we need to do surveys,
proposals,
lots of refinement on proposals,
then ideas on the ad campaigns,
then print ads,
TVC storyboards,
radio ads,
ambient medias.
GOSHHH.
was in a group with mary,
and seriously our presentation sucks.
We were so unprepared,
not just us,
every group was unprepared.
it was the worst presentation ever, for me.
Had no script at all,
never rehearsed at all,
still refining our presentation slides 1 minute before the presentation.
BUTTT,
we still got 3rd place out of 10 groups for the presentation,,
so do imagine how bad we all presented.

next is Digital Photography,
which i'm most pleased.
Photography is one of my fav subjects,
and i've put so much effort into it.
but i'm only gonna show you my final 2 works.
the first one is our final group assignment,
which is Fashion Photography.
Our group didn't do well in the previous group assignments,
so as the group leader,
i kinda changed my strategy for the final shoot.
Previously,
everyone gave too much opinions,
so we turned out to be very lost.
but this time,
after we set a concept,
i suggested the "DOLL" idea,
and we just went with it.
This is the final group assignment,
but we had only one week to do it,
we had class on tuesday,
and for previous group assignments,
we would have a week for preparation,
and shoot on the following tuesday during class,
and submit on the 3rd tuesday.
but for this final group assignment,
we only had one week.
after the brief on tuesday,
we had to do all the preparations,
and book the studio or find a location to shoot within that week,
which is crazy,
because we had so many other assignments going on as well.
The day before the shoot,
preparation went chaotic,
we couldn't decide anything.
but on the day of the photoshoot,
i kinda take charge of everything.
i told them how to set up,
i instructed the make up,
i set the lighting,
i was the photographer as well.
and it turned out to be smoother than previous assignments.
so the moral story was,
if there're a few members that have lots of opinions,
yes, you can voice out the opinions,
but in the end,
there should be a person who decides everything.
and the result turned out to be surprisingly well,
got a 4.5 out of 5.

For my final project,
my topic was NEGATIVE SPACE.
FYI, negative space is the space around the focused subject.
and i kinda play around with the negative space.

During presentation day,
i didnt prepare for what i was going to say,
so i kinda just throw out whatever was on my mind.
after my presentation,
it was Q&A session from the classmates.
After Q&A,
it was the lecturer's turn to give comments.
i was really really scared,
because the classmates that presented before me,
got comments from the lecturer like,
"This is horrible."
"I don't like this."
so i was so worried that i will get feedbacks like that too.
then the lecturer finally spoked,
"I have only a few words for you."
.........
....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I LIKE YOUR WORK."
what
the
helllll?????
OMGG i was so damn happy.
and he kept on saying,
"A great photographer will wait and capture perfection.
and zunyip did that."
I was like: WHUUUTTTT????
so so so happy.
ok anyway,
after everyone presented,
the lecturer asked us to wait outside,
so he can mark our work and give us our scores on the spot.
i was so damn nervous.
Summing up our individual assignments and group assignments,
me, samantha(top student) and burger(very talented student in photography),
scored 38 out of 50%,
highest in class,
but there were 37s, 36s, 35.5s, 35s,
all the marks were close.
But of course there were people who only scored 23, 24.
but anyway,
we were all guessing who will get the highest score.
and everyone pointed at me,
because my comments were the best (being perasan),
but yea it's true,
everyone else have critiques.
so i was really hoping out of 40% of the final project,
i can at least get a 32%.
oh yea and the remaining 10% is professional practice,
which involves attendance, punctuality, interaction in class and stuff like that.
so finally the scores are in,
my professional practice was a 9 out of 10%.
and my final project,
i got 34!!!!
4 categories:
technique- 9 /10%
creativity- 9/10%
finishing&presentation- 9/10%
weeklyprogress&development-7/10%
i only got a 7 for weekly progress because i changed my concept at the very last minute,
so i didnt show much progress and development,
but if i do,
i might even get more than 34!
but i'm really really happy with my results,
because i scored the highest in class!
81marks.
A-!!!! (4.0gpa *chaching*)
samantha (80.5)
burger (79.5)
both of them got A- too.

okay,
last and final subject,
Typography.
Don't wanna talk much about the earlier assignments.
Our final project was to creative a leaflet,
based on a typographer chosen,
and a font that typographer created.
so i chose Paul Renner and the font FUTURA.
The day before submission,
i went to the printing shop to print with my friends,
we went in around 3pm,
and they finished around 3.30pm,
because basically their leaflet design was much easier to print,
and it's very small,
so they don't have to combine it.
Mine was quite long,
so i had to do extra work.
Failed 4 times,
and the when i finished the 5th one,
i realized it was already 8pm.
5 hours in the printing shop,
kept on failing.
imagine how frustrated i was.
Even the manager of the shop came to ask me to redo a smaller version of the leaflet.
But the quote Never Give Up paid off,
and during the day of submission,
the lecturer told us she will choose the best 9 leaflets and to put into archive.
and i was one of the top 9.
phew~.

The 2 subjects i like the most,
and i think 2 of my strongest subjects,
photography and typography,
i think i did well. (i hope)

oh yea by the way,
for typography,
2 students from our class failed,
and they won't be joining us next sem.
They will be joining the may intake badge.
It was really shocking,
but the lecturer told us it was normal,
every badge,
there're people who fail this subject.
some even failed 3 times.
and the lecturer also told us we will face a lecturer next sem,
also teaching typography,
he once only let 3 out of 20 students passed that subject,
the rest failed.
OMFG.
so it's not weird seeing half of the class get flushed off next sem.
hopefully it won't.
*fingers crossed*

Okay,
so that's basically all for my assignments and subjects this semester.

now,
what else to talk about for this comeback post?

well alright,
you guys might have noticed,
recently i often post pictures of a group of 4,
me, 2 guys and 1 girl.
the girl is mary,
and the guys are burger and worm.
okay.
stop laughing.
i know they have funny names lol.
worm and mary are a newly couple.
*congratss*
yea basically me and mary kinda join these 2 guys more often recently,
because idk,
i felt comfortable being around them.
but we're still close with the other classmates,
but yea we kinda hang out more often with the guys.

and some of you might noticed,
i sometimes tend to be abit emo.
on twitter especially.
idk why,
maybe the stress is getting to me.
really wanna try to be able to control the stress.
but to think that from next sem onwards,
it'll be hardcore sleepless nights,
stress started piling up automatically.
our seniors told us to really enjoy this sem break,
because next sem will be a killer 3 and a half months.
:(

and oh yea,
still single,
maybe not quite available,
because of all the assignments going on,
i dont wanna neglect my future gf.
lol #wtfamitalkingabout
but yea feel free to recommend someone for me.
pretty dried up right here.

and luckily no family issues lately.
i guess my parents are very considerate,
and yea i dont have to do housework HAHA,
cause they know i have lots of assignments.
yea my mom will like bring me milo once in awhile,
or talk to me when i'm upset.
so i feel like they're indirectly motivating me,
and giving me a push when i'm about to fall everytime.

and i really missed my high school friends.
it's KB's carnival tomorrow.
finally,
get to go back to the school,
although it's gonna be hot and sweaty and crowded,
but i really missed that feeling.
2 years ago,
we were rushing for the preparation of the tent at cshen's house.
and had so much fun.
missed the old days.
but yay,
get to see the old faces tomorrow.
:D


okay ngpuikhay,
if this is not long enough,
i dont know what's long in definition ady okayy.
cshen,
system updated lahhh kayyy.

:)